When good eggs go bad… and other horrible things.

If you pop by regularly, I’m sure you’ll realise that I’m quite a tolerant sort… a few angry or greedy outbursts here and there, but generally quite mild-mannered.

Well, I’d hate to challenge that rosy view but here are a few wee things that I could live without:

* Three minute eggs (I couldn’t bring myself to write threeminuteegg as I’m trying to distance myself as far away from this as possible).  Why would anyone voluntarily inflict a soft white upon themselves? A gelatinous, viscous, protein-y horror.

WRONG

* Bitten fingernails. I’m probably a bit of a nail nazi, but who isn’t repulsed by this? I once saw a man pull his nail off !(TRUE STORY! We were in a work meeting together and I almost died!). Why didn’t he just chop his hand off and save himself time in the long run? They’re only going to grow back…

WRONG

* A thick layer of fat on meat. Mrs Sprat is so so wrong. If I was Jack, I’d divorce her immediately.

WRONG

* The consumption of milk when it’s not part of a hot drink, or with cereal.  There’s something about the smell of milk that creeps me out.  And the fact that it can turn itself into cheese… Vom!  I have to wash anything that is touched by milk immediately to avoid potential cheesiness.

WRONG (although the Olsen’s are the only people who I could look at with a milk moustache without screaming and vomiting).

* Spiders.  This is definitely going to happen to me one day.

(No image because I can’t bear it) WRONG

* Noisy eaters. I’m probably going to accidently blow myself up trying to get rid of one of these at work too…

WRONG

*** NB. I am a huge fan of cheese. It’s cheesiness that I can’t bear. ***

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Light up your life.

Anyone within hearing distance (and twitter distance) from me will know that I’m doing DIY.  What started off as an exciting project quickly turned into a tedious chore that sees you spending sunny days trawling around Homebase looking for the ‘matt’ version of the paint that you’ve already bought (and spent a day carefully painting onto the walls) in ‘silk’.  Someone should really tell you that ‘silk’ paint is the same as  ‘gloss’ paint.  Why bother renaming it? Why confuse people? Why waste their time? Hello!?

So anyway, a massive chunk of my time (and money) has recently been spent on this.  After years of renting, I was stupidly excited about buying a flat just so I could turn it into some kind of chintzy, wallpapered explosion of colour and prints only to find out that:

 A – Olly won’t let me (what?! Compromise?… Eurgh!)

B –  Everything takes 27 times longer than you think it would.

Now after almost a year, 1 and a half rooms are done, and we’ve still got 2 more to do.  But the end is in sight (for now) because after we’ve finished the bedroom, we’ve decided to have a DIY hiatus until autumn.  Autumn is so much better for DIY. No one has picnics in Autumn. And you’re definitely not going to miss the ‘hottest day in 5 years’ in Autumn because you had to sort out the Holding Pen (the new name for the dining room, which is always said jokingly by Olly and with unconcealed anger by me).

And to ensure that I don’t die of white wall boredom just yet, I’ve just bought 2 of these to brighten up the living room:

£18.99 Urban Outfitters

Printed chinese lanterns, with just enough floral print to stop me going cold turkey.  Phew!  They’re sold out online, but you might be able to get them in store, or at Not On The High Street for £20.

Now, do you think I’ve gone and jinxed all the remaining chances of summer? Probably.

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Summer… or die.

Erm hello…? What is with this weather?!  So glad I bought a sun parasol recently(!). And the one of the worst things about a grey, rainy, horrid week in summer is that you end up going cold turkey on your Vitamin D and feel like killing yourself and everyone around you. Or is that just me?

A little bit of browsing for things that I don’t need will surely cheer me up. Or perhaps not.

£23.95

How gorgeous is this vintage bird brooch from Maison Ami? I spotted it while killing a bit of time at work sneakily reading one of my favourite all-rounder blogs Domestic Sluttery, a blog for people who want to do stuff, buy stuff, cook stuff and drink stuff at the same time. It has caused me to spend money in the past though.

Another little beauty is this vintage Sweetpea piece from the 1950’s.

£32.99

Either of these would be the perfect thing needed to brighten up a slobby outfit of skinny jeans, t-shirt and flats (which I am currently wearing because I can’t cope with the thought of more rain. If only I had wellies…).

And as a Jock, I feel like I have to include this one:

£26.99

I could never wear this though, for fear of accidently getting my inner Braveheart on.  And with the mood I’m in right now, I need very little excuse…

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The Manicure Diaries – Pt 6

It looks like I’m going to be reviving my old hand modelling career (calling it a career might be a bit of an exaggeration… I only did one shoot… ) next week when I do a photo shoot for a new nail art product.  And I’m not being purposely secretive and vague about it (I can’t keep a secret to save my life. I can’t help it, I’m such a blab), it’s just that they’ve not actually told me too much about it (maybe someone told them I’m a blab?!?)

Anyway, it couldn’t have come at a better time either, as anyone who follows me on Twitter will know I’m BANKRUPT this month. Paying for a holiday that I signed up to a year ago, impulse buying junk that I don’t need but couldn’t live without and being forced to shell out for all sorts of home improvement doo-dads (never decide to decorate in the summer. All you’ll want to do is go to the pub and then you’ll realise that it’s been 3 months and your bedroom looks as though someone has tried to (pretty successfully) bulldoze it… and then you go crazy and spend all your money trying to fix it) has left me rather poor this month.  Pay day can’t come fast enough.

Nails – Sparkly burgundy (can’t remember the name!!) by Orly which was a present from Mashford.

I love Orly as it has just the right consistency, neither gloopy or thin and it has a good size brush which makes it easy to apply without making a mess.

Check out the bit of white paint on my pinkie. PROOF that I’ve been decorating… although my input tends to be more project management rather than full on physical involvement.  And now I have a good excuse to stay out of it. I have my hand modelling career to think of after all.

P.S. I can’t wait to turn into this!

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Tenrandomfacts about Threesmallapples

1. 

I have a love/hate relationship with eggs.  It changes weekly and without warning so an enjoyable  boiled egg with marmite soldiers for breakfast can be quickly followed by queasiness, feeling ‘a bit eggy’, loud and vocal renouncing of egg consumption, and then sensing a constant lingering egg smell around anything that has been touched by the egg.  And then I’ll decided to have a boiled egg for breakfast again a week later…

A soft white is a total killer and can actually cause dry heaving.

2.

I’m always cold, and I can’t seem to leave the house without a jacket and a scarf no matter how sunny and hot it is, because I might get cold later.

3.

I really wish I was 5ft 7 as opposed to a measly 5ft 5 and a half (and the half is made up).

4.

I’m addicted to lip balm to the point that I wake up in the night to reapply. Vaseline and Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Creams are 2 of the worst culprits for causing lip balm addiction. Beware.

5.

For reasons unknown to me, I had a perm from the ages of 13-15. To my defence, I tried to get rid of it for about a year, but my hair was so naturally curly (who perms curly hair?!) that it was impossible to neutralise out.

I had glasses too, so this is pretty much how I looked. But worse.

6.

Despite having masses of unruly hair, I’ve got the thinnest, straightest eyelashes.

7.

The majority of my wardrobe is made up from short, summer dresses. Most of which I’m bored of. And completely impractical in winter.

8.

I think I’ve finally grown out of the colour pink.

9.

I envy anyone who can carry a small handbag for day-to-day use. I seem to carry so much junk that I need a large handbag AND another tote for extras such as a book, and my emergency might-get-cold scarf.

10.

Being Scottish, I find it hard to spend money of things that I want (I just can never seem to justify it!) whilst simultaneously haemorrhaging money on absolute junk that I quickly hate and then wallow around in anger and self-pity because I hate all my clothes and have nothing to wear.

Eurgh.

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Black Diamonds are Forever

How many times have you gone to a house party, knowing only one other person? But you’re all sociable people, so you have a bit (or a lot!!) to drink, perhaps a dance, a bit of chat with strangers and a good night is had by all… Unless, in the middle of the party, someone decides to propose (groan… surely you should do that while away on a minibreak?) but then the diamond ring gets dropped and stolen in the middle of it, no one sees the thief, and curses are cast!!  Well that’s the kind of party you’ll find East London right now thanks to the Punch Drunk Theatre Company and Stella Artois. 

Punch Drunk, the pioneers of ‘immersive theatre’ have teamed up with Stella Artois to promote Stella’s new product Stella Black, and they’ve given everyone the chance to get involved.

But if you wanted to take part, you had to be quick off the mark, because tickets to part one were snapped up pretty quickly.  I was speedy enough to register for a pair of tickets so, last Thursday, with my cryptic email in hand; I set off for an unknown address in Shoreditch and on arrival, asked for the Diamond Cutter. It was as simple as that! 

After asking for Jacques, the mysterious Diamond Cutter, we were given a warm welcome as well as a hand written note making sure barman ‘Claude’ treated us to his famous hospitality (which turned out to be the rather tasty Stella Black). On descending the stairs, we found ourselves in the middle of a 60’s style film noir house party, and it was a jam-packed and hectic affair, filled with concealed rooms, balloons, beehive hairdos, authentic props, red herrings, crazy guests, a curious audience, and a twisting plot.   Throughout the performance, you’d be forgiven for confusing audience members and actors as everyone mingles together and half of the people in Shoreditch dress as though they could be on stage daily. One minute you’re contemplating the huge ‘Jacques ♥  Cecile’ banner and trying to figure out what is actually happening, the next you’re shouting ‘Surprise!’ when the blindfolded and soon to be fiancée Cecile enters the room.  But after the proposal, things quickly take a turn for the worst, and the gate crashing audience soon find themselves on the streets.  And Jacques’ friendship and hospitality isn’t enough to protect you from being viewed as a suspect and having your bag searched.

But what happens next? Unfortunately tickets for parts 2-7 are long gone, but you can follow the story online at http://www.stellaartois.com/black/ from the comfort of your own home, without the risk of being dragged off to dance with strangers.  But it won’t be as much fun.

The Black Diamond is running from 3-21 July.

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The Manicure Diaries – Part 5

A few bee facts:

*  Drone bees do not have a sting.

*  Bees don’t snore when they sleep.

*  Wee sis, Jacq, once threw her (completely untouched) ice cream across the road because she heard a slight buzz in her ear. It wasn’t a bee, it was a fly. 

*  Jacq also once loved, lost (although I think ‘murdered’ is more precise) and still mourns for her favourite bee, Beemoot.

* And finally, I once tried to (I was organising, not participating!!) break the record for the ‘most bees in mouth’. But I got told off by the BBKA (British Bee Keeper Association) for cruelty to bees.  TRUE STORY. And this was before bee plague, which I do genuinely worry about.

Anyway,  in ode to Beemoot, the BBKA and the diminishing bee population (grow flowers – help bees!) I’ve gone for a bee manicure.

Bzzz….

Nails – Yellow by Essence Colour & Go (a gift from the Countess) and Earthquake Black Crackle Nails by W7

Weeeeeee………….!

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cry-i-i-i-ing over yoooooou…

I must have gotten a little snotty a while back, because despite never having enough money (EVER), I decided that I was only going to buy leather bags. No more pleather crap for me… Real leather only, woohoo(!)  My pact lasted a little while, but despite not buying any of the cheaper faux leather (or blatantly plastic) bags that might have caught my eye… I didn’t buy any leather ones either. I ended up needing a bag, but refusing to buy anything, and then eventually folding and buying something out of desperation.  Moral of the story: don’t make any silly pacts with yourself.

And of course, because I panic bought my last bag, I’ve decided that I hate it. It’s too big, too heavy (I could take some of the junk out, but everything there appears to be completely essential!) and just  a bit annoying.

And even more annoying is the fact that I’ve spent every penny I have on a trip to Ibiza (someone else’s birthday party. I was pretty much forced at gun point. And it would have been rude not to), Cole & Son wallpaper (do you KNOW how much wallpaper costs?!) and other pieces of instantly forgettable tat, so I’m unable to take advantage of what’s suddenly on offer to me:

 Patricia Nash tooled satchel.

£40 (reduced from £120) at Urban Outfitters.

Pretty, practical, subtlety feminine…REAL LEATHER.  Eurgh. And it’s cheaper than the wallpaper.

 

Red, leather tooled satchel.

£30 (reduced from £65) at ASOS.

Sob.

Marcie satchel by Chloe

£695 from Net-a-porter.

May as well throw this into the mix. I can’t afford any of them right now, so why discriminate?

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I should not be at work right now.

I should be sitting in Primrose Hill instead. Eating houmous, crusty bread and stuffed vine leaves. Drinking pear cider. And wearing these:

Marilyn by Pretty Ballerinas  at Deluxe Boutique.

And they’re reduced to £99 from £113!!  It’s such a bargain that I might be able to afford some falafel too.

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